I have a confession.

Although I’ve been mixing with the bowls community for 7 or 8 years now, I’d never really picked up a bowl.  Until late last year that is, when my wife Carol and I decided to take up the game.

Maybe ‘take up the game’ is a little generous.  More like simply going down to our local club (Ponsonby) and having a practice roll-up a few mornings a week.

It’s been strangely addictive.  We’ve been continually lured by the potential thrill of sending down a ‘toucher’ … after bowling a disappointing swarm of wobblers threatening out-of-bounds.  We’ve forgotten the (many) bad bowls, and gained great happiness from the occasional good bowl.

So much so that I was emboldened to enthusiastically commit my petal and me to the National Open Mixed Pairs in Christchurch in February.  My petal wasn’t so sure … but played along with my recklessness.

Game day eventually comes around.

We’re drawn at the New Brighton Bowling Club playing our first game against Kelvin Scott (a National Open Singles Champion from 2022, and a semi-finalist in the previous days’ National Fours) and Serena Matthews.  They must be wondering who the hell ‘Carol and Rob Davis’ are.  We laugh to ourselves.  Google laughs too … she’s not going to help Kelvin and Serena identify the mysterious ‘Rob and Carol’.

Bugger me, we’re up 5 nil after 3 ends. 

My petal and I can scarcely believe it.  Presumably Kelvin and Serena can scarcely believe it too.  But the bowling gods have been toying with us, and order is restored.  We never win another end, and we are thrashed 35-5.

Our first game at a bowls tournament has been fabulous.  We’ve loved it.

We’ve come to the tournament to win at least one of the 84 ends (6 games at 14 ends), and we’ve already won three.

The next game we’re up against Kevin and Faye Wilkinson from Nelson.  They’re also Mixed Pairs first-timers, but they’ve obviously got a lot more bowling miles under their belts than us.  Carol and I find ourselves winning a few ends, until the bowling world is righted and we go down 26-8.

We’ve now smashed our ‘ends’ end goal.

In the final game of the day we play the irrepressible Sonny White and Sarah Meynell from Wellington.  They’re lovely opponents, and so gracious about Carol’s and my parsimonious skills (as we find are all our opponents).  Sonny lets his hair and his driving do the talking.  Sarah puts up with his talking hair and driving and we go down 16-7.

Carol and I are ecstatic. On our first day, we’ve won quarter of our ends, and only thrown down one wrong bias.

We’ve finished the day knowing how to fill out scorecards, chalk up the score on the scoreboard, deliver the jack between the sticks, do a couple of measures … and more.  And all those protocols and etiquettes we viewed with trepidation this morning, have melted away into a sea of goodwill enveloping us from the other players.

It’s been a great day. Bowls New Zealand Chair Mark O’Connor is thrilled that there’s someone on the New Brighton green worse than him. His entrapped partner Linda Jones (Parklands) is far more magnanimous.

Next day we’re at Riccarton Racecourse Bowling Club.

At 8:30am, we find ourselves playing in the Christchurch fog.  And once again the bowling gods get up to mischief and my petal and I find ourselves up 8-1 against Evan Owens and Sonja Churton.  We’ve employed a secret weapon today, and donned our alternate strip … salmon-coloured tops which we hope will distract Evan and Sonja from their game.

They don’t.  Evan and Sonja remain aloof from any chromophobia, and we go down 9-20.

Game 2 of Day 2, and Carol and I are feeling as though we can still do this.

Guy and Kate Taylor have other ideas, and they are winning 28-nil until Carol pulls one back on the last bowl of the last end saving us from an embarrassing misère.  Even the usually scrupulously neutral umpire manages a few words of encouragement our way as he receives our 1-28 scorecard.

‘Zoomee’ Matheson and Tania Woodham play us in the last game.

They need to beat us to qualify.  We reckon they must’ve shouted ‘WAHOO!’ to themselves when they saw the scoresheet with our 5 losses.  Their ‘WAHOO’ is well-justified … we offer no resistance, and the game is abandoned after we’re oh and 27.

It’s been a great two days.  We’ve loved it.  But most importantly, we’ve loved the company of the people we’ve played who have been extremely supportive and encouraging.

We’ve competed, without being as competitive as most.  We’ve ‘belonged’ at the tournament, without diminishing its prestige.  And despite our initial trepidation, it hasn’t been at all intimidating.

Our opponents have just been ordinary people like us … who love steak and hate marrow … but just happen to be better bowlers.  Much better.

We’ll be back.

It’s been a fabulous occasion … and occasion which no other sport delivers.  Where else can you be newbies like Carol and me and play against a national champion?   What other sport can you play where men and women (and any other genders for that matter!) can play equally and equitably?

“The National Open Mixed Pairs have proved a great success,” says Bowls New Zealand Chief Executive Mark Cameron.  “We introduced the concept 6 years ago when we split up the end of year Nationals into the Singles and Pairs in the new year and the Fours and Mixed Pairs at the end of February.”

“It was pretty controversial at the time, but now most people give it the big tick.  Particularly as we alternate the Singles and Pairs between Auckland and Christchurch so that both islands get a fairer chance to participate.  We also rotate the Mixed Pairs and Fours around the country.”

“In 2018 there were 336 entrants in the Singles ... this year 516.  In 2018, there were 244 teams in the Pairs…. This year 614 teams including the mixed.  The Fours has gone up from 114 teams to 216 teams in the same time.”

“The bowls community has realised that these aren’t just tournaments for the big guns.  They’re for all our bowls community to enjoy, like Carol and yourself have done, even as first-year bowlers.”

“But what’s also important is that we have volunteers in our community who are happy and willing to provide the manpower and womanpower to support the tournament …  the markers, the umpires, the people in the chart room, the people in the kitchen and behind the bar ... without their hospitality, the Nationals wouldn’t happen,”

“The Fours and Mixed Pairs involved 17 clubs in Canterbury : Barrington, Beckenham, Belfast, Burnside, Cashmere, Elmwood, Fendalton, Halswell, New Brighton, Papanui, Papanui Outdoor, Parkland, Rangiora, Riccarton Racecourse, Sumner, Woodend and Woolston Park.”

“A BIG thanks to them all”